I keep forgetting to breathe

Well here I am.  I’m in a state of limbo.  I need to find somewhere to live.  I need to work out if I leave my most beloved dog with my ex, or I take her with me.  At work I maintain a jolly facade.  ‘what’s the problem?’  ‘how was it?’  ‘good morning everyone, it’s Wednesday, we are halfway through the week’.  Privately. I fight back tears.  I am having symptoms of anxiety, and I am having trouble getting up in the morning.  I get intense bouts of loneliness.  I feel sad.  I feel like he smashed up our dreams.  I have to come up with new dreams now.  We spend a lot of time negotiating how we will go forward, how we might live in the same house until I move on.  Actually, I just want to tell him to F*ck off.  However, the civilised bit of me won’t allow me to do that.  I still love him.  A tiny shred of me hopes that at some point he will say ‘I’ve changed my mind’.